As you might be able to tell, my boss is a former police officer with a lot of experience interviewing bad guys. As for me, I became a Cincinnati private investigator only after I worked for years as a corporate investigator. My job was to conduct forensic interviews whenever there was an incident, such as theft, sexual harrassment, or other major issue that corporations (and even small businesses) don’t tolerate well.

In that role, I traveled to various stores, or a distribution center or other work site to interview company employees to find out which of them was telling the truth and which was lying. Typically I investigated major theft cases, where people had a huge incentive to lie, because if they got caught, they knew they might end up in jail.

Naturally, I had years of experience and a lot of training in how to conduct a controlled interview. We were trained in the art of neurolinguistics – that is, the study of subtle brain functions and how those functions manifest themselves under specific circumstances.  In my case, I was interested in the involuntary bodily functions that show up when a person is lying.

But one of the signs of deception that is easiest to recognize is the “strategic stall.”  When a person is about to tell a lie, they know there are serious consequences if they get caught.  So before telling a whopper, most people want a few extra seconds to think carefully about what they’re going to say, because they have to be certain they aren’t stepping into a trap.  In fact, a strategic stall before a big lie is most common when the person being questioned hasn’t had time to think of a good answer ahead of time.  In those cases, they often will subtly create opportunities to buy themselves a little bit of extra time – in some cases just a few fleeting seconds – while the synapses in their brain are firing back and forth to try and stay one step ahead of you.  And that’s when the sweating starts…but we’ll save those other signs of deception for another post.

Here’s a quick list of five ways a person stalls before telling a big lie:

1. Repeating the Question (or asking you to repeat it for them) – When asked a direct question, the other person doesn’t answer immediately, but attempts to cover the stall in a deceptive way.  The respondent may ask to have the question repeated, or may often repeat the question themselves.  Example – Q: Did you do it?  A: Did I do it?  Of course not!
2. Creating a Job – This behavior is designed to momentarily distract attention, if only for a few seconds, to allow the respondent a few seconds to think of a good answer.  One of the most common created jobs during a difficult conversation is that of taking a sudden interest in a piece of lint on the person’s pants.  I can remember doing this one years ago during one of those dreadful question-and-answer sessions with my parents.  When my father asked a probing question, I suddenly grew very concerned about a small sticky spot on the kitchen table that simply could not wait another second to be scraped off with my fingernail.
3. Changing the Subject – This one isn’t always as obvious as it sounds, but it’s self-explanatory.  Often, a person will provide a convoluted answer to the question in an effort to hide the fact that he or she didn’t answer the actual question.  Politicians are masters of this tactic.  In this case, simply repeat the question again, like this:  “I’m not really sure what your answer is – I only asked if you were at this location at 8pm last night.  Were you?”
4. Belittling the Question / Questioner – We’ve all seen this tactic, when asked a simple question, and the respondent says something like, “That’s outrageous.  I can’t believe you would even ask me that!”  It’s a common tactic that is designed to buy a few moments and allow the respondent to take control of the discussion.  The key is to stay focused on getting an answer to the question you asked.  Don’t be sidetracked at the insinuation that you insulted the person you’re questioning.
5. Playing Dumb / Asking for More Information – Often, when the questioner doesn’t ask a direct question, it opens up the opportunity for the respondent to claim he or she doesn’t know what you’re talking about.  When possible, remove all doubt about the subject matter of the questions you’re asking.  Being up front and direct takes away the opportunity for a good liar to use this technique, as you can see from this example where a wife asks her husband: Q: “Were you with Sue at a hotel last night?”  A: “What are you talking about?”  Obviously, she is talking about her husband being with Sue at a hotel.  No explanation required.

Keep in mind that a person giving an honest answer is usually straightforward and direct.  In the case of the husband being asked about being with Sue at the hotel, a person with nothing to hide would simply answer the question like this: “No.  Why do you ask?”

As with all how-to guides, you should never assume a person is lying just because they exhibited one of the behaviors I listed above.  One of the key pieces of my training as a forensic interviewer was to look for multiple signs of deception, as no single act is a conclusive indicator.  Remember, you’ll need a lot more evidence to prove your case than the fact a person picked some lint off his pants!

If you find yourself in a tight spot and need some guidance on how to confront someone you think might be dishonest with you, please drop me a line by using our contact form.  We’re happy to provide advice and guidance at no charge.

P.I. Blog &P.I. Tips and Tricks

Advice on confronting a cheating spouse

As a Cincinnati private investigator, it’s frustrating when clients call back after getting our report and say their cheating spouse said the evidence we provided doesn’t prove anything.  Clients should never reveal photos and video evidence to their spouse or partner.  Doing so only reveals to them the limits of what you know, and allows them to craft a story around the photos.

The most common excuse I hear from a cheating husband is that he was holding his co-worker’s hand/ hugging her / kissing her / because she was going through a terrible time with her family and was having an emotional breakdown.

More often than not, the husband tells his wife it was a “one-time thing,” and he probably shouldn’t have been that close to her but it won’t happen again.

But take the exact same evidence, and confront the exact same husband a little differently, and the results will be far different.

In the example below, the husband plays dumb and tries to draw information out of his wife before admitting guilt.  But the wife wisely avoids giving away any specifics while confidently asserting that she knows a lot of details.  She makes it very clear that it’s up to him to reveal details, not her:

• Her: I know you’re cheating on me.
• Him: What? <–(stalling question)  Ha ha…I get it, you’re kidding, right?
• Her: Let’s stop the games.  Come clean right now.  I need to know I’m dealing with someone who can be honest.
• Him: What are you talking about?
• Her: I’m going to give you one chance, and one chance only, to do the right thing and tell me the whole truth.  But be warned, I know a lot of the answers to the questions I’m about to ask you.
• Him: Okay, fire away.
• Her: When is the first time you cheated on me?
• Him: What is this about?  <– (this is an attempt to avoid the question)
• Her: One chance.  Answer the question.
• Him: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
• Her: You’ve made your choice, then.  At least do the decent thing and tell me her name (chances are you already know this).
• Him: Who?
• Her: The woman who you’re spending time with when you’re away from me.  <–(good and vague, but still very pointed).
• Him: Are you referring to the night I was working late with Sue from work? <–(beginning to draw information out).
• Her: You know exactly what I’m referring to.  Please just be honest with me.

In the example above the only detail revealed by the wife is that she knows her husband is having an affair with a woman, and cracks are beginning to form in the husband’s defenses as he slowly realizes he is at an informational disadvantage.

Remember, you would not be confronting your spouse without rock-solid proof.  You aren’t trying to find out if your partner has a good excuse for holding hands with another person as they entered a hotel room together.  There is no excuse for such behavior.  And your partner will know exactly what you’re asking about.

The absolute worst thing you can do when you confront your cheating spouse or partner is to lay all your cards on the table.

Let me repeat myself: the absolute worst move you can possibly make when confronting someone is to reveal all of your evidence to them.

Don’t do it, no matter how tempting it may be to show you have the upper hand. It will come back to haunt you.

Here’s some basic guidelines for confronting a cheating spouse:

• Decide in advance the goal of your confrontation
• Pick a time when you both can talk privately.
• Calmly inform your spouse or partner that you know for certain that he or she has been unfaithful to you and then flatly state the goal that you set for this confrontation (full confession of the facts, come to an agreement on the status of the relationship, or whatever you decided in advance).
• If you need to reveal details from your investigation, NEVER, under any circumstances, provide details of dates, times, or places where he or she may have cheated.  Revealing this type of information will provide your partner with some idea about how much you may or may not know about his / her infidelity.  That, in turn, can be used to construct excuses, lies and / or cover stories which can be used to deceive you further.
• It’s best to reveal that you know the identity and description of the person your spouse was cheating with, rather than specific details about times, places, etc.
• Your partner may play dumb – don’t fall for that trick.  He or she is simply trying to draw out additional information before deciding what to admit or deny.
• Never reveal the source(s) of your information, as that, too, can provide the cheater with clues about how much you know.

Remember, you hold all the cards.  The two questions every cheating spouse is dying to ask (but can’t) are these:

How much do you know?  And how long have you known it?

If you want as much of the truth as possible, do your best to protect the answer to those questions.  If your spouse chooses to lie about his affair without knowing those answers, chances are he’ll minimize his guilt and will leave out key details in the hopes you aren’t aware of them, and then you’ll know when he or she is lying to you.

Here’s another good article on how to correctly confront a cheating spouse.  It’s good advice.

If you have questions or need advice on specific circumstances, contact me and I’ll give you the best advice I can at no charge.

Family / Marital Investigations

Five things to expect from your private investigator

A lot of potential clients have never worked with a private investigator before.  All they know is what they’ve seen on TV or in the movies, and they are often surprised to learn that we don’t work in dark offices, wear trenchcoats and call women “dames.”  In fact, we’re just normal business people, with experience as former police officers or investigators and we know how to get answers to questions in a manner that is more efficient and effective than other people.

Hiring a private investigator is simple enough.  But knowing what to expect for the fee is just as important as knowing what you want the investigator to find out.  Here are the top five things every client should expect from a private investigator:

1. A firm contract

A professional investigator will execute a contract between the two of you.  And the contract will spell out exactly what to expect from the private investigator, and an explanation of what the investigators services will cost.  Because an investigation is a form of service, rather than a tangible product, it’s often difficult to quantify the exact nature of the services that will be delivered.  But a good investigator can give you a rough idea.

2. An estimated time table

One of the toughest things to predict in the PI business is how long an investigation will take.  Often, a client may have a better idea than the private investigator.  However, a good investigator will be able to ask the right questions in order to make a rough prediction about when to expect results.  In most cases, the timetable is almost entirely dependent on the subject of the investigation and a number other variables.

3. Ongoing communication

One of the most important aspects of any investigation is the dialogue between investigator and client.  The client almost always possesses critical information that the investigator can use to bring the case to a rapid close.  Whether it’s a business fraud investigation, or a cheating partner case, or anything in between, the client can act as a second investigator by reporting observations to the PI.  Likewise, feedback from the PI to the client can often trigger a breakthrough.

An experienced investigator will be able to advise the client on how to communicate privately and securely with the PI without compromising the investigation.

4. A complete and thorough investigation report

Professional PI’s will almost always provide the client with a detailed investigation report that the client can use as needed.  Reports will often include video, still photos and other evidence gathered in the course of the investigation.

Most reports will include an explanation of who, what, when, where and how.  The question of “why” is not always something an investigator can answer.

5. Advice on next steps

Often, clients take the investigator’s information and confront their cheating spouse with photos or other evidence.  This is almost always a mistake because the spouse can construct an explanation around the evidence.  Investigators with experience know that you never lay all the cards on the table when confronting someone who may be inclined to lie.

Investigators can and should offer guidance to their client on how best to use the information gathered – not legal advice – but advice on what to do next.  Often, the advice is limited to “hire a lawyer,” or “call the police.”  But the investigator’s experience usually allows him or her to provide insights to the client on how best to proceed.

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If you find yourself in need of answers to some tough questions, and you aren’t sure of how to proceed, drop me a line using my contact form.  I’m happy to answer your questions at no charge.

Family / Marital Investigations &P.I. Blog